its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
