I smell stomach acid.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
