even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my being single is dangerous.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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