trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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