Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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