So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
