she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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