Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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