the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You left your phone here
Wait...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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