Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize