Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
