Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
