Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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