Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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