the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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