people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
