I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
