my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
