Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
