He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
