i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
bring money and cleavage
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
