lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize