Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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