I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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