Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
