i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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