Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I won't apologize to a one balled man
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
