and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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