i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
