i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
