So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
