make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
