i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
