You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
