she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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