YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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