Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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