At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
