I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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