A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
