So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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