Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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