so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
