are you so shy because you have an std?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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