i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
