Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
