We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize