Will you blow on my dice?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
