Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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