mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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