did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
