i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
