I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When are your genitals available?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
