I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
