I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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