I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
