i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
