As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
