I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
