I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
