he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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