i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Come on in and take your pants off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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