Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
