1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
