why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize