it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
