So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
