How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
