her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
