A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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