You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
