Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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