Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
