She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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