I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
