I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize