I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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