He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize