The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
