So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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