Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize