Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
