my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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