i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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