i think my tv is drunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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