My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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