pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
