can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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