I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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