they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
