i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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