Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
