Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize