please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
