i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
