I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
