so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
