just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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