Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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