my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
did you just send me my own nude
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
