So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
