do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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