I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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