I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
