I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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