Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
