I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
