oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
