Me. At least after what I've been through.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
