I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
