um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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